When Christmas Hurts
Laura Longville
Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year. For many reasons. My birthday is on December 23rd, and I love it being close to such a heartwarming holiday. God gave us the gift of his son, Jesus Christ, and it’s a time when family and friends come together. Andy Williams's version of, The Most Wonderful Time of the Year reminds me of my grandparents and the joy of spending Christmas with them.
Yet, I’ve experienced several Christmas seasons filled with grief, hurt, anger, resentment, loneliness, and depression. The holiday season can be a very challenging time for those dealing with the death of a loved one, illness, conflicts with children, siblings, or other family members, war, natural disasters, addiction, mental illness, economic instability, job loss, and so much more.
A few helpful tips
Grief and loss are complicated. Death is not the only event that triggers grief. Many of life’s changes and transitions can shove us into pain and heartache. It’s similar to the feeling of someone pushing you into the water, and you’re not ready. Thus, we cope with expected and unexpected losses in various ways, and we do the best we can.
The holidays seemed riddled with “shoulds.” Whether those “ought to’s” come from your own family, or cultural expectations, they can cause stress and pain.
In her article, Dealing with Grief During the Holidays, Megan Burgard recommends giving yourself grace during the holidays. “You may not have the energy or desire to attend every gathering, and that’s okay. Set your own limits. Don’t let someone else decide what you ‘should’ do. On the flip side, don’t cancel the holidays. Pick an event or events that you feel most comfortable and supported in, and remember you can always leave early.”
No matter your challenge, it can be wise to practice old traditions that bring you life and encouragement. You can also give yourself permission to create new traditions or practices.
Blue Christmas
Blue Christmas is actually a thing. I had not heard about this until about 5 years ago. I think “blue” describes the feeling many experience this time of year.
A friend who happens to be a pastor holds a service on December 21 each year. This day is the longest night (period of darkness), so she calls her service The Longest Night. Other names include Service of Solace, When Christmas Hurts, and Blue Christmas. These services offer a way to recognize the season's depth and help process those negative feelings that might be held during the holidays.
Many churches recognize that Christmas programs, holiday events, and children’s pageants do not meet everyone’s needs. Churches offer a Blue Christmas or Longest Night service to fill the gap. People who are not having a very merry Christmas and friends who support them are invited to come and sit with one another in a liturgy that speaks of the love of God for the grieving.
The idea and hope is to support those that are struggling. To meet them where they are and bring the comfort of God’s love. If you need this kind of encouragement or know someone who does, search for this type of service in your area. Know that you are not alone; you are seen in this hard time.
Here are a couple of local resources in our area.
Knollwood Methodist Church-Rapid City, SD
Finding Joy and Renewal During the Holidays-Rimrock Church, Rapid City, SD November 19th, 2022
Prayers for those who are hurting
I’ve included a few prayers that may speak to you or prayers you could share with others. May you find comfort.
5 Prayers for a Grieving Heart- If you click the link, the prayers are in written form, or you can watch a video.
Pour out your grief
Ask for comfort
Ask for healing
Ask for peace
Ask for hope